


HiJack Booty Day

by WrC



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Bad Poetry, General Dorkiness, HiJack Booty Day, M/M, Making Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 14:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9185333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrC/pseuds/WrC
Summary: A collection of HiJack Booty Day fics (every third day of the month!)





	1. January 2017 - Dat Booty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccup has locked Jack out of the bedroom after an argument, and now Jack has to make amends....  
> Nothing says sorry quite like bad poetry does, right?

“Hiccuuuuup,” Jack coed through the door. “Come on my sweet buttercup. My cupcake. Let me in already?”

A muffled ‘No’ came from the other side.

“I said I’m sorry... Why won’t you open the door?”

“I’m still angry at you!” Hiccup shouted back. The brunet stayed put on the bed, his knees hugged to his chest and his eyes puffy from crying. Jack had crossed a line and that fucker was sleeping on the couch tonight.

It remained silent for a while and Hiccup started to wonder if Jack had given up. But then a piece of paper slipped underneath their bedroom door.

There were no muffled apologies. No knocking. No pleading for a pillow. Nothing. Just a piece of paper.

Hiccup ignored it for a long time, stubbornly watching TV instead. Fuck him and his piece of paper, whatever was on it. It was probably stupid anyway.

He could still see it form the corner of his eye though. Bright white in stark contrast with the dark bedroom floor. Teasing him. Taunting him to go and get it.

As silently as possible, the brunet fetched the paper, if only to throw it away and be done with this nonsense distraction. He moved quietly, not wanting to give away that he’d left his moping-position. But when he finally had the paper in hand, he could see there was something on it, handwritten. It became very tempting to read it anyway…

> _I look at my hands_
> 
> _There is something very wrong_
> 
> _They are not on your butt_

Hiccup had been furious. He still was. He tried his best to stay silent, he really did, but it was too hard not to laugh at this. A little scoff-laugh-combination escaped him. “The idiot”, he whispered to himself.

Promptly, a second paper appeared.

“Are you listening at the fucking door or something?” the brunet demanded. No reply. “It’s gonna be a long time before my booty is back in your hands, you can count on that!

He picked up the second paper. Another ‘poem’.

> _Booty you ’re so fine_
> 
> _I want booty to be mine_
> 
> _Badonkalicioius_

The brunet scoffed again. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

> _Roses are red_
> 
> _Pickles are green_
> 
> _I like your leg ~~s~~_
> 
> _And what ’s in between_

The dork had actually crossed out the s, making legs singular again. Hiccup opened the door in one swift motion, and Jack toppled into the bedroom; he’d been sitting with his back against the door. A pen and scrapbook were in his hands.

“Hey sweetie.”

“Don’t think I’m not mad anymore.”

“I saved the best one for last.” He reached up from his position on the floor, offering another slip of paper.

> _Dat Booty_
> 
> _I do love that booty_
> 
> _it is so very fine_
> 
> _I want to eat that booty_
> 
> _and make it all mine_

“How poetic.” Hiccup giggled.

“I made you laugh though.”

“You did.”

“I’m so sorry Hiccup.”

“You’re a moronic orc-face, you know that right?”

“Yet you somehow love me.”

“Sadly, I do.” Hiccup got back on the bed and patted next to him. “Come on. I can’t sleep without you anyway.”

With a big smile, Jack joined him, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend. “Love you too.”

“I’m holding your booty tonight though, not the other way around.” Hiccup claimed.

Jack pretended to think about it for a moment before he gave in. “Ffffine. But you have to write me a poem too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly I am not genius enough to come up with these marvels of poetry. This is where they're from:
> 
> First poem: http://poemstobutts.tumblr.com/post/91572139038/poemstobutts-i-look-at-my-hands-there-is  
> Second poem: https://www.reddit.com/r/bootypoems/comments/2twqkk/honky_tonk_badonkadonk/  
> Third poem: https://www.reddit.com/r/bootypoems/comments/3bjlyk/a_true_classic/  
> Last one: http://hellopoetry.com/words/1880/booty/poems/


	2. February 2017 - Satan's Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's unbearably hot, and the boys have little else to do but go for a swim. An unpleasant surprise awaits Jack, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by Syndeh on Tumblr

“Go visit your boyfriend during summer break, they said.” Jack drawled. “The weather will be awesome, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.”

“You’ll have all the privacy you could ever wish for, they said.” Hiccup joined in. “What more could you want?”

“A working AC, that’s what I want.”

They were lying as still as humanly possible on Hiccup’s bed, desperately waiting for the rotating fan in front of the window to turn their way again.

“I did warn you,” Hiccup pointed out, sounding more than a little bit amused. Mimicking Jack’s voice, he said: “You’re such a pussy, how bad can it be?”

“You told me you had air conditioning!”

“Which breaks down every two days!” The brunet was definitely getting some sadistic satisfaction from this. He was more or less used to the heat by now; a heat he had often complained about to his boyfriend in their skype-calls. “I don’t get why you insisted on spending the summer here, snowflake.”

“Excuse me for wanting to be with you in a place all to ourselves.”

“Good use that double bed is when we can’t even lift a finger, let alone cuddle.”

Jack huffed. “Why do I never listen to you, Hic?”

“Cause you’re just as stubborn as me. But I have my viking heritage to blame for that, what’s your excuse?”

“Love?”

Hiccup rolled over to face his boyfriend, sheets clinging to his sweaty back. “That’s so cute.”

“Love is blind-”

“Gods could you be more cheesy?”

“-which is probably why I can put up with your face.”

“HEY!” Hiccup punched his boyfriend on the arm. “I’ll have you know I’m a gorgeous motherfucker!”

Jack looked to his left appreciatively; the only benefit of this damn heat was the complete lack of clothing.

“You are, I was just talking about your face. Please pay attention when I insult you!”

“You wanna sleep on the couch, you jerk?” Hiccup threatened.

“God no that leather would kill me.” Jack kissed the other on his nose. “Love you.”

“Then be nice.”

Jack moved closer so they could kiss properly, but that little adventure didn’t last long at all. The inevitable skin contact that came with it was downright unbearable.

“Fuck it’s so warm,” Jack went right back to complaining. “It’s like Satan’s asshole after taco-night.”

“They once changed the “saint” to “satan” in the college sign. So you’re probably not the only one who felt that way.”

They remained silent for a while, the only sound being the whirring for the fan near the window. It didn’t help much, but a stream of warm air in your face was better than nothing.

“Maybe they’ll fix the AC today?”

Hiccup knew full well how slim the chances of that were, but he couldn’t bring himself to mercilessly crush his boyfriend’s hopes. Instead he went for a non-committal “who knows.”

“We could go swimming”, he offered.

“Again?” Jack said. “We went yesterday.”

“So? It’s cool.”

“Your college sports bath is boriiiing. I’m more a fun-times kind of guy.”

“First of all, how can you be so picky while you’re well underway of adopting a more liquid form of living? Secondly, I will not let you insult my perfectly fine sports bath.” Hiccup scolded him. “But I was actually referring to the spa 30 miles out.”

“A spa?”

“They have outside pools and probably cold-water baths too. Does that fit with your fun-demands, Mr. Overland?”

“I can’t help the fact I have higher standards for fun then you do! But that sounds totally _awesome_ , why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” The white-haired man jumped off the bed and went around the little apartment with a plastic bag, quickly gathering towels, shampoo, and their swimming gear. Hiccup’s trunks were still in the bathroom, drying. His own speedo he had to pluck from underneath Toothless.

“Shoo, cat-thing. I need this, thank you!”

Toothless meowed, offended, and daintily moved his furry self to the living room instead.

“Ready!” Jack was practically bouncing; an incredible feat in these temperatures. “What are you waiting for, Hic? Come on!” 

* * *

 

It was damn hard to find a parking spot. With this kind of weather, and all schools on summer break, that was to be expected though. The tropical swimming pool and outside baths attracted literally bus loads of children.

Since it was so busy, the two men decided to share a cubicle.

“I don’t get why you only brought a pair of speedos, Jack.”

“It’s just what I have. You don’t use trunks in water polo. Too much drag.”

“But why not get trunks for, you know, swimming for fun?”

“This is literally the only time I’m swimming for fun so I just forgot,” Jack said with a shrug. He blindly put on his bright blue speedo, preferring to keep his eyes on his changing boyfriend instead. Sure, he’d seen that freckled back and glorious ass often enough, but he doubted he’d ever get tired of staring at it. It was just so perfect, he had to squeeze it.

So he did.

Cause why not.

“Hey!”

“Jup, still awesome.”

“Dork.” Hiccup finished up tying the ropes of his red shorts. “Let’s get out of here.”

Jack turned around to open the booth, but Hiccup promptly stopped him.

“Ehm… Jack?”

“Yes?”

Instead of putting it into words, the brunet demonstrated the problem by poking his finger through a hole in the fabric of Jack’s speedo. There was a huge, gaping gap in the tight fabric, right in the middle of Jack’s ass.

Jack yelped at the unexpected touch. Then he realized that kind of touching should not be possible. At all.

“What the fuck?!” He reached around, found the problem, and blushed furiously.

Hiccup giggled. “I mean these things don’t leave much to the imagination to begin with - which is not a complaint, far from it - but this is perhaps a bit too revealing for pool policies.”

“Ha ha, Hiccup! Seriously, how did this happen?” Then he remembered he’d found them _underneath_ Toothless. “THAT FUCKING FURRBALL!”

 

 

Hiccup roared with laughter. “What? Toothless did this? Why would he?”

“I don’t know but he did it, I’m sure of it! He must have!”

“All right, we’ll see when we get back. But we have a more pressing problem right now.”

Jack looked so sad. Like a puppy left out in the cold, harsh rain on Christmas eve while it watched the family having dinner through a window. “My pants…” he mumbled. “How can we swim now?”

“Don’t worry, I saw a store near the entrance, they’ll probably have some swimgear for sale. I’ll get you something, wait here.”

Still suppressing giggles, the brunet went on a quest for new trunks.

Sadly, they mostly sold children-wear in the shop. Eventually, he did find something, but it was a bit on the small side. When Jack put it on, he complained his balls were too tight, but it was better than nothing.

Besides, it gave Hiccup an absolutely stunning view of Jack’s ass. If you think speedos were revealing, try speedos a _size too small_.


	3. Porcupine Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack had a little accident.

“Ah!”

“Justs hold still.”

“Ahaaah!”

“Really, Jack, this would be so much easier if you didn’t try to crawl away.”

“You’re not the one with- OUCH!”

Hiccup dug out another nail. “Just a few more,” he promised.

“You said that - OW! - a dozen stings ago already!” Jack squirmed uncomfortably on the bed. “Give it to me straight, Hiccup. How bad is it?”

The brunet was having a hard time to keep the laughter from his voice. “It’s not too bad,” he managed. “Your luscious butt still look great. For someone who got quilled by a porcupine.” He proceeded to wiggle out another nail from Jack’s buttock.

The other man whimpered miserably. “Stop laughing!”

“I can’t help it you got injured in such a comical slap-stick kind of way! Seriously, who gets stung by a porcupine on his ass?”  
“Hell if I know what it was doing in my chair.”

Hiccup shook his head. “If you were desperate to get something up your ass you could’ve said so.”

“Ha ha very - AH! Damnit man, be careful! I work hard for such a magnificent rear end!”

“Which gets all due appreciation, yes. Don’t worry so much, it won’t leave a mark.”

“Fucking oversized hamster,” Jack grumbled. “I won’t be able to sit for god knows how long all because of that poor evolutionary imitation of Robin Hood.

“He didn’t hit the bullseye,” Hiccup helpfully pointed out. “Just three more and you’re done.”

Two yelps and a curse later, the brunet could rub some soothing lotion on the sore skin.

“Good as new, my porcupine prince!”

 

 


End file.
